Day 1 of self isolation. It’s 5am. I’m not awake because I’m worried, I’m just always awake at this time. Gives me extra time to overthink.
I’m sat on the sofa, questioning how long this is all going to last, how on Earth am I going to fill my time? Unlike most, my job doesn’t really have the option to work from home, but as someone in a ‘vulnerable group’ I don’t really think that mingling with hundreds of tiny human germs everyday is going to be the best option.
I am apprehensive for the coming weeks. I’ve been in a position similar to this before, however self isolating for my own benefit in recovering. It was really hard. I’m not really a ‘do nothing’ kinda girl, so having literally no goals or purpose is something which I struggle with. I don’t know how to fill my time in a positive way, a way which isn’t going to make me feel like I’ve wasted yet another chapter of my life. As much as we may sometimes enjoy social distancing for a short period, this could be days, weeks, months and there’s no way for sure to know which one of these it will be.
Being someone with an ongoing lung condition is incredibly tricky at this time. Symptoms which I have been having for years but have been swept under the carpet are now issues being faced globally. I find myself questioning how my care might be affected by this. I already feel like suddenly I’m less of a priority. Today a cancelled appointment which I’ve been waiting for for an extended period. I’m still in pain, I still needed for someone to reassure me that I’m on the right path in recovering. I hope this isn’t me being selfish but this is my life long condition and it needs to be kept on top of.
Being 21 years old, supposedly in the best years of my life, yet I face being self isolated for possibly months. I don’t know how it’s going to work financially, in my career development or for my sanity. I am however fortunate enough to have a very understanding workplace but that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel like I’m letting people down.
For anyone who knows me, they’ll know I am completely mortified at the thought of being a couch potato for weeks, so tomorrow I plan on figuring this huge mess out. Setting goals for myself, creating work out of nothing, teaching myself new things. As much as this may be an awful situation, I am going to try and make the best of it 💗